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Animated Atrocities 32/Transcript
Disclaimer: Some viewers may find this disturbing, viewer discretion is advised. Mr. Enter: Before I begin this review, I will say outright that just because a character dies, or something else happens that may result in "jumping the shark", does not mean that I will review the episode. If they're able to kill a character off with tact and grace, then the episode is immune from my scorn. So, did Family Guy ''kill off Brian with tact and grace? 'to: a squirrel runs over and kicks and spits Brian in the face' '''Squirrel: '''That guy sucked. '''Mr. Enter:' Well, what the fuck do you think? Not only is this episode a miserable excuse for a story, it pulls out every dirty, emotionally manipulative trick to make you feel sorry for a character who lost all likability years ago, and to shame whoever criticized him, in some half-hearted attempt to make Family Guy relevant again. The episode starts with Brian and Stewie running away from Native Americans with machine guns riding in a jeep. Well that's one way to start off the episode. They immediately find themselves surrounded. Just another day in the life of Brian and Stewie I guess. They manage to escape by jumping into the river. Native American 1: Crap, they got away. Native American 2: Better call the boss. stick on rock Damn, I'm not getting a smoke signal here. Native American bangs drum and turns rain stick upside down Mr. Enter: That was the first of many painfully unfunny jokes in this episode. Brain and Stewie wash up on the shore and... oh, hello Wellesley Wild, fancy seeing you having something to do with this episode. Chevapravatdumrong's name appears in the credits -- caption: ...is the best fucking name ever. Apparently Stewie gave guns to the Native Americans, and now they're running everything. And then we get: Brian: They do seem to have a lot of shops. to Jean Jacket store next to All Other Stuff store. Mr. Enter: 'Hey, writers of Family Guy, I know that you've forgotten this a very long time ago, but this is something that you used to know: STEREOTYPES DO NOT EQUAL HUMOR! I suppose the worst part that this both feels like it's both ripping something off, and it's going on forever! Yeah, the first part of the episode here is ripping off "Road To The Multiverse". It's funny because this episode has the exact same writer as "Road To The Multiverse". Stewie's return pad isn't working so we're going to stay on the note and keep ripping off "Road To The Multiverse". They decide to go find alternate Stewie, and use his time machine. bad that this time Stewie went back in time and changed the timeline, not went into a different universe. In essence, there's only one Stewie. This is a major plothole that has resulted from direct ripping off. Yeah, it's a direct fucking ripoff! This is another universe. This is what things would be like, completely disregarding logic and historical facts, and replacing them with blatant stereotypes. They use the time machine and end up in Jamestown. And we see Brian escorting a Native American woman. Was he going to do her or something? Where's the joke?! I don't get it. Stewie takes the guns back and they teleport before they can get skewered. '''Native American: '''They're gone. We can talk normal now. Oh! So all those stereotypes earlier were just for the camera! I get it! Then we get another offensive joke. Y'know, gotta insult the Native Americans one more time before that whole plot is completely forgotten about and never referenced again in the episode. 5 minutes have gone by and the only thing that we've established is that Stewie decided that the time machine is more trouble than its worth. Alright, now we're getting into the meat of things here. Going into this episode, chances are that you knew that Brian was gonna to get killed. Hell, they wouldn't do something like this and ''not hype it into oblivion! I can hear the writers going, "Yeah, we're really gonna do this shit! Do you think we're ballsy now? We're gonna kill off one of our characters, and we're not going to give ourselves a way out of this!" Considering "Stewie Kills Lois" and "Lois Kills Stewie", they've always got away out of anything! Just to make sure they hammer in the point, they're really going all the way in order to make you think that they can't bring Brian back. '''Brian: This is like the end of an era. Mr. Enter: '''Yeah, remember what I said about this being an emotionally manipulative, piece of shit? Or something to that effect? First of all, any flaws that Brian had are completely nonexistent in this episode from the word "go". And secondly, ''he's ''the one who found the net, in the dump, that will lead to his inevitable demise. also the most red thing in this shot, so your eyes will be drawn to it in say... a trailer. '''Brian: God, look at this day, huh? You know usually I'd be sitting inside writing, you'd be working on one of your machines, but here we are enjoying it. Mr. Enter: '''Brian Griffin is happy to be alive! Can you tell? He's so uncharacteristically happy to be alive, which is a complete 180 from the near depressive alcoholic that he usually is. Stewie goes inside to get his knee-pads. Hey, you know what we haven't done yet? Ripped off "Road To The Multiverse"! A CGI car speeds around the corner and runs over Brian. Wow, look at how much detail they're just throwing into his demise: to make it look as painful and miserable as possible, to play off your baser emotions. By the way, that's probably the most brutal display on the show that I've ever seen! And that's including "Brian Griffin's House of Payne", where Stewie spends the entire episode with his head cracked open! the reward for the most tasteless joke in animation goes to... '''Squirrel: '''That guy sucked. '''Mr. Enter: '''Brian's in a bit of misery right now. You probably couldn't tell, so they needed to throw that little gag to help you know that this death is indeed quite tragic. BITE ME!! They take Brian to the vet. '''Meg: Mom, is Brian gonna be okay? Lois: I don't know... Mr. Enter: '''Hey, shouldn't Peter be telling Meg to shut up or something? Oh that's right: if you are doing this, you couldn't pull the string so well. I understand! '''Chicken: Don't talk to me, you have a bad reputation in the chicken community. Mr. Enter: 'Okay, to be fair, that's the one joke that actually got a laugh out of me. Remember what I said in my "Magical Mystery Cure" review about emotional juxtaposition? Yeah, this is when it's used to manipulate: let's put all of our good jokes here, and then hit 'em with the sappy music and that goddamn zoom. Family Guy: work on your cinematography. That zoom doesn't make anything more intense or sappy or whatever. It wouldn't bother me so much if you didn't use it every single time you tried to be serious. They say that Brian doesn't have much time left, and instead of a joke that Family Guy would normally throw in this situation, we see everyone frown. See Brian there suffering? Yeah, let's drag this scene out as long as fucking possible, and let's make his final words the ''ideal final words. '''Doctor: '''I'm sorry. He's gone. know, this isn't nearly sad enough. Maybe I can help up the ante play '''Chris: Oh my god, he's... Lois: Yes, Chris, I'm afraid...I'm afraid that our Brian is dead. Mr. Enter: Okay...two thoughts. Number one, I-I'm just gonna play this: to: "Jerome Is The New Black" Quagmire: You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You always say "Ooh, I'll get you later", but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much. He's you! God, you're pretentious... to: "Life Of Brian" Mr. Enter: 'Those two Brians are not the same character. This one is a perfect saint who never did anything wrong and must have our sympathy. If Brian died by, say, alcohol poison or blowing his brains out, the more likely methods of death, what would change? Well, for one, things would progress naturally rather than this forced trite. My second thought is that a previous episode said that Brian would die by eating chocolate out of the garbage. Here's the really funny thing: ''Family Guy has been known for having extremely strong continuity. Y'know, one-off gags being used later for full episodes. So here's the question on everyone's mind: is this change permanent? Fuck no! It doesn't even last to the end of the episode, and I'll show you why. Obviously, Stewie wants to rebuild the time machine to save Brian. Oh, by the way, all that sap left our episode's racism joke quota a little low. Apparently, the writers are making sure that we believe Brian ain't coming back. There was only one guy who made an important part of the time machine and he's dead... maybe... 'Yosef: '(to Stewie) I know, but the one guy who made those drew a doodle of Mohammed, so he's not around anymore. '''Mr. Enter: '''Alright, now that's two ways to pull out of the situation -- that guy isn't really dead. Stewie, and by extension the audience, jump to a conclusion. Don't you just love vagary? So we get to the funeral. Then we get some more racism... '''Angry Black Woman: You find the man who did this, you bring him to justice! You make sure this angel child didn't die for nothing! Joe: '(over the woman) Uh, ma'am...what's your relationship to Brian? Are you sure you're at the right funeral? '''Mr. Enter: '''This actually brings up an interesting point: a lot of people suspected that Brian was outright murdered. After all, the CGI car had no license plate -- and who would want to kill him? Glenn Quagmire, the person who is used as a pulpit for all the criticisms against Brian. Look at how much of an asshole he is, and by extension, this is what people who didn't like Brian as a character must act like. Yeah, fuck you too Seth... Yeah... I know there's a major elephant in the room right now about me and a video that I made a while back. I did that to let people know where I was emotionally, not force people to cry. But yes, because of my past, this episode is extremely hard to watch in its own right. Because, in essence, this episode is just taking you through the death of ''your pet, not the death of a character on the show. We cut to a month later, where not else much has changed; Chris is still an idiot and everyone is missing Brian. '''Lois: I'm startin' to think the only way to stop missing Brian is to get a new dog. Mr. Enter: 'No -- ''time is the only way to get over it, and you need a lot of it. Getting another dog, even in a month, can make the problem worse. You wait 'til you're over it and then you get another dog. But it's not like you're trying to teach this lesson; Lois is just an emotionally dead idiot. '''Lois: Alright guys, time to find a new family dog. Mr. Enter: 'Wow! You sound like you're trying to dispose of a body. They find a new dog. This is Vinny, he's an amazing dog. He can stand on two legs, talk, spout liberal agenda, you know, everything that Brian could do, ''and insult Italians at the exact same time. Can you imagine, reaching their racist joke quota each episode would be a breeze from now on! Dear Seth MacFarlane: call me when you get your head out of your ass and learn how to properly construct a story! This is what we in the real world call taking the easy way out! Now killing Brian is pretty much moot! Speaking of meeting the racist joke quota... '''Vinny: This is good, this is good. Hey you guys got a good bangin' broads couch, you know that? Lois: Vinny, you must be starving. What can I make you for dinner? Vinny: Are you kiddin'? You're a hard workin' lady. So tonight, I'm gonna make you dinner. Mr. Enter: '''Hey, it's kind of like that episode where the Griffin family got a new dog that was pretty much perfect. You know, "The Tale Of Two Brians", where they were concerned about Brian's age, and knew it would be time soon. normally don't bring them up, but this is just too fascinatingly confused Then we get a really, really interesting cutaway joke. '''Stewie: I mean crucifixion seemed great at first too. to guard nailing some guy onto a cross Guard 2: Why are you doing that? Guard 1: Cause I'm mad at this guy. Guard 2: I'm mad at this jar of pickles I can't open. Guard 1: Nail it up! Mr. Enter: '''What's the joke?! How is nailing a jar of pickles to a crucifix a bad idea? The worst that would happen is that the jar breaks. I don't get how that's anything more than slightly inconvenient. Normally, these jokes end with starting the plague or something. It seems that Peter and Vinny are good friends. Stewie, however, is hesitant to befriend Vinny. Huh, kind of like that other episode that I just referenced. Stewie once again tries to get rid of the family's new dog. This time though, it's the racist edition! Of course, Chris ruins it. '''Stewie: Chris. What are you doing? Chris: Call me a creep you piece of crap! punches Stewie Mr. Enter: '''A reference from some previous episode, I'm assuming. Yeah, you can only get this joke if you start watching Family Guy again, guys! '''Vinny: the newspaper Hey Doonesbury, how about a joke that ain't for fancy millionaires? Mr. Enter: He's Italian. Couldn't you tell? Vinny comes outside, and this episode thinks that it can redeem itself with a sob story. Vinny lost someone so that makes it all okay. [ It's okay that we replaced Brian so quickly because we say so] Aw, isn't that touching? Riddle me this: why do I feel so much more when Muriel finds Courage on the side of the street, but I feel almost nothing here? Maybe it's because Vinny is nothing more than an Italian stereotype. Maybe it's because nothing in this episode progresses naturally. It tries its damnedest to ring as much emotion out of you as possible. I've read sad fics that kept more dignity than in this episode. It's abysmal, forced, and quite frankly, rather disgusting. You know, when I reviewed "Arthur's Big Hit", a lot of people said that they were glad that D.W. got hit. I expect the same sort of thing to happen here, just not to the same extent. After all, that's probably what Seth Macfarlane thought when he came up with this episode: kill Brian in the most brutal way possible, make them feel as sorry as possible for him, replace him with an incredibly annoying character, and just wait for them to beg to get Brian back! You know what? I think I believe the whole murder theory. You want to know who I think was in that car? Seth Macfarlane himself! He had the means and the motivation! Credits: "Family Guy" is owned by FOX "Life of Brain," an episode about the death of Brain was written by Alex Carter This video was made for review purposes and falls under "Fair Use."No copyright infringement was intended by this video. Thank you for watching! Upcoming Videos Next Animated Atrocity:Dexter vs Santa Claws, hopefully. You know what, at this point, you should probably disregard this. Next Admirable Animation:Top 20 Opening Themes Next MLP review Daring Don't Song:Circle of Life - The Lion King Category:Transcripts